Stumbling on Reasons
by Aveina
Summary: A collection of short vignettes and drabbles. 4: Drown; "Eric has drowned before, but never in anything tangible."
1. Ache

_A/N: _This is just a place to stick whatever odd doodle I might write in the future, plus the ones I haven't had time to upload yet. They're gunna be short, probably vague, and rather melodramatic, because I'm feeling rather giddy lately. Ironic that I spew angst when I'm cheerful, no?

I blame the fact that the snow is already _melting_ in _January. _It's utter blasphemy, but it makes me smile.

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_**A c h e**_

When Jackson needs someone, or just looks like he might, she tries to be there for him. She whispers and soothes, hovering and offering optimisms until she's satisfied that he'll be fine.

Normally, her actions are rewarded with a slight smile here, the odd laugh there, and it makes her feel good. The fact that she can be there for him reassures her that she does have a purpose, that she isn't as unhelpful and Eric or as trivial as Taylor.

Sometimes, though, he snaps or brushes her hands away, flinging her support back to her so stubbornly that she has no choice but to leave. Those days lead to nights when she can't sleep for fear of missing his next breakdown and, consequently, her next chance to redeem herself. Those are the mornings when she wakes up disoriented and aching.

There are times when it hurts, badly, to keep soothing and hovering, knowing that he probably doesn't need her. She'll tell herself that this is the last time- she doesn't need the pain- but then she'll find him alone again.

Something about the small hope that, this time, he might accept that he needs her _always_ keeps her from leaving.


	2. Bleed

_A/N: _I hope it's at least sort of obvious, after reading this one, that it takes place after 'See Ya'. The end result of this one wasn't quite what I was going for, but I don't know what else to do with it.

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**_B l e e d_**

The first time that Daley enters the plane after Melissa, Eric, and Jackson have left with Abby, she brushes just a little too close to the edge of the gapping hole that serves as a door. The jagged metal rips easily into the skin of her upper arm, and she is left with a crude, shallow gash that is as painful as it is nauseating to look at.

Naturally, Taylor is quick to point the latter out, gasping an 'oh, god' and covering her mouth with a hand as she darts off. Daley doesn't care, can't bring herself to, as she grits her teeth against the pain. Everything suddenly feels far too noisy, far too dizzying, and overwhelmingly _red_. She sways for a moment before stumbling back a step in her confusion.

Nathan grabs her before she has a chance to fall, shouting for Lex as he helps her sit down. She wants to scream that, no, he shouldn't do that because Lex _hates_ her, and she wants to get up and run from Nathan as he had from _her_. Both Daley's voice and legs have abandoned her, however, and Lex is already standing over her.

She remains silent, brooding, while they stop the bleeding and clean the wound. When they have it bandaged and Nathan glances at her expectantly, though, she sighs.

"I'm an idiot," she tries to apologize, but her words fall flat, muted of anything remotely emotional. It's because of this that Lex and Nathan don't realize that she isn't talking about the cut. And while Daley knows this, she doesn't have the energy to clarify.


	3. Crumble

_A/N: _Ah, Mel. I think I enjoy her character more for the emotional options than because of her kindness, to be honest.

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**C r u m b l e**

Sometimes, Melissa doubts. She doubts her actions and her words and herself in general. It consumes her, sometimes, to the point where she has to release it. A frustrated sigh here and a bitten lip there is enough, usually.

She is good at hiding her worries, even as they claw at her stomach and rip her thoughts apart. She doesn't speak of her doubts of rescue or their tentative government, and she never cries, because she is supportive and kind and everyone else needs her.

And because no one expects her to fall apart, because _she's Melissa_, they don't notice that every day her sighs become more frequent and her lip becomes more bloody. Because they expect her to always be strong, they don't realize that she cracks and crumbles before breaking completely.

And because she's Melissa, she doesn't tell them.


	4. Drown

_AlN: _This was originally supposed to be a Golden Sun vignette, because I adore the games to no end, but it ultimately resulted in one big, epic _failure_. To say the least, I was disappointed.

So, after a couple days of sulking about it, I went OHSNAP and decided to modify it to work for F29D. We already have a scene where Eric nearly drowns anyhow, so I ran with that... And voila! :D

/end mini back-story.

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D r o w n

Eric isn't afraid of the water. He isn't afraid of the prospect of undertow or currents as he wades into the ocean, and the thought that _this is dangerous_ never so much as enters his mind. Honestly, when he suddenly has to struggle to keep his head above water, he is surprised to realize that he is alone, without help, and _drowning_.

Eric has drowned before, but never in anything _tangible_. He'd drowned in sorrow when his parents divorced, in frustration when his father began dating, and in disbelief when his mother announced her pregnancy. He had drowned in Taylor's infectious glee, once, when she tossed him a smile, and in the storm that had come after he had ripped Jackson's secrets away.

Mostly, Eric finds that he drowns in himself: mistakes, tactlessness, laziness, _stupidity_. And while he can pull himself to dry ground when it comes to things utterly out of his control, he never does manage to do so when his is drowning because of _him_. Those are the moments when someone else needs to pull him from the water and save him from himself.

Right now, that someone is Melissa as she drags and tugs him through breaking waves and onto the beach. It takes him what seems like a long time to remember how to breathe properly again, but when he does, he rolls over to complain to her, _about _her, needing to squash any lingering gratitude. He doesn't need to drown in _that_, of all things.

The look on her face stops him short, though, and he watches mutely, momentarily stunned, as she pushes herself to her feet. Melissa shakes her head, and when he sees the complete disappointment written in her eyes, he desperately wishes he were back in the ocean, back suffocating, back _dying_, anywhere but here, because this newest emotion is solely his, and it feels a little too familiar, a little too _unsettling_, a little too much of himself.

And anything is better than drowning in _guilt_.


End file.
